Doktor Argus Q. Faux is an impatient asshole with a bad temper. He enjoys trash-talking children in free-to-play games and uploading footage of his birth to pornographic websites. When not engineering TFTS, he can usually be found crying on the bathroom floor and contemplating the use of MSG as a dietary supplement.
me and my dad make models of clipper ships
i like clipper ships because they are fast
clipper ships sail in the ocean
clipper ships never sail in rivers or lakes
clipper ships have lots of sails and are made out of wood
peas introduces Scoop McNewsgui, then introduces him again, and again, then the show attempts to start, then peas introduces Scoop McNewsgui. The hosts lie about how good the show is going to be, then peas introduces his new character, Scoop McNewsgui. After playing the first song of the show, “20th Century Newsgui” by The Scoops, peas workshops a new character and names him “Scoop McNewsgui”. The Blind Eye Segment turns out to be good, but it could’ve been better if it’d included some kind of reference to Scoop McNewsgui. Week 3 of Is It a Band is played, and Christ be damned if Scoop McNewsgui doesn’t join the show for the live post-game report. In the second half, peas comes out of nowhere with a hot new idea: a Slavic character named “Scoop McNewsgui”, an offering which single-handedly saves the show — not just for THIS episode, but for perpetuity in all possible universes. As usual, peas apologizes for the show at the end of the show, but somehow forgets to apologize for inventing Scoop McNewsgui. This episode is best listened-to with earplugs.
If your ears aren’t dripping with amniotic fluid after listening to this episode, then we’ll give you TRIPLE YOUR DIGNITY BACK! For the entirety of this episode, Cat Feather plays the role of Fidd Chewley, Aster Six plays the role of Argus Faux, and peas plays the role of whoever plays the role of peas when peas isn’t present! 60 is a highly composite number, and episode 60 of TFTS turned out to be a highly composite version of the show as exterpreted by the most capable of all proxies. HOW AUSPICIOUS! Not since banks started offering sugar-free lollipops has such an advantageous circumstance eventuated itself — this time in an easily digestible podcast suppository! Get off your ass, sit down, and in the words of Chuck Berry’s fictional cousin, “Listen to THIS!”
