Doktor Argus Q. Faux is an impatient asshole with a bad temper. He enjoys trash-talking children in free-to-play games and uploading footage of his birth to pornographic websites. When not engineering TFTS, he can usually be found crying on the bathroom floor and contemplating the use of MSG as a dietary supplement.
It’s our first episode since the Fourth of July, the date recognized the world over as the anniversary of the date Lord Donald Trump attained Constitutional Buddhahood. This week: Every other country should give up their retarded language and speak English. Doktor Faux makes the “Call of Duty” argument for patriotism, citing America’s sweet K/D ratio. Stolen Valor is a felony, but Fidd Chewley knows a guy who sublets him some valor under-the-table, so it’s all good. Reverand [sic] peas [sic] is doing the show EFFED-THE-EFF-UP from mixing rum with the meds he’s taking for dem Shingles, and Fidd pre-emptively gives him the Kenny Floyd Award. NEW GAME: “Is It a Band?” We try to play it. It “works”. By the end of the show, peas does a good job apologizing for everything except the fact that the Blind Eye segment never completely got off the ground, but that’s not bad for a guy who is, as I said earlier, EFFED-THE-EFF-UP on Shingles meds and rum.
This week, the role of peas [sic] is played by the visionary Reverend 80! The best part of having someone other than peas [sic] play the role of peas [sic] is that when we ask him who his Blind Eye is, he actually has one. After his having of the previously mentioned Blind Eye (go one sentence back if you missed it), 80, as peas [sic], joins Faux & Fidd for a riveting game of Is It a Band, which scalpod [sic] and Dok Cosmac dual-officiate, and even though two refs in the same game is kind of gay, it’s 2019 and we be gettin’ WOKE. There’s a new weekly bit: FIDD CROW. I think it went okay but I’m typing these notes before I’ve heard the show, so no promises here. Hell, you people are lucky I’m not just MAKING UP the show notes like I used to do before Dok Faux told me to stop! HOWEVER COMMA Rev 80 did a breathtaking recital of The Apologies of peas [sic], and you’re going to shit your ears in half when you hear it — just don’t judge us.
Here is the dilemma in the face of the task of writing the notes for this show: either you’re a big fan, in which case I don’t need to write notes given that you’re going to listen to the whole episode anyway — OR — you AREN’T going to listen to this episode, but for some reason are still reading these words, in which case I’m curious as to why you’re reading notes to a show you’re not ear-chowing, BUT THAT’S OKAY! This is the second-and-final episode in-a-row in which Doktor Faux was away from Hypercube and so Fidd Chewley had to play “Guest Engineer”. Co-HMFIC of Free Think Radio, Marthartha, officiates this week’s round of Is It a Band, which ends up getting stretched out by the hosts to a 45-minute segment. So, okay, it ran a little bit long. So what?! We don’t shoot until we see THE PINKS OF THEIR EYES! Oh, you didn’t get the joke?? Well, GOOD FUCKIN’ LUCK, buddy, because the Slack Train ROLLS ON!! Aliens ABILLIONFUCKIN years from now will unearth this episode, and they will know if YOU were in on the joke or not! HURRY — figure out why the parts of this show that you didn’t THINK were funny were, actually, literally, clitorally, in fact, FUNNY, and perhaps you’ll have a chance at redumbtion!
A certain cult leader demanded that I start listing proper notes in the episode descriptions. It isn’t that FUN has been banned; my travails have become his FUN! AND I FELL FOR IT!
