Dok Faux explores all of the music that “they” don’t want you to hear. A history of the PMRC is presented and discussed. A new robot is commissioned just in time for Is-It-A-Band. Caller 23 tries to play Pokémon Go! On a Motorola RAZR plugged directly in to the wall using the cord from a box fan.
Edited by Caller23 Episode art by Rev80
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Doktor Argus Q. Faux is an impatient asshole with a bad temper. He enjoys trash-talking children in free-to-play games and uploading footage of his birth to pornographic websites. When not engineering TFTS, he can usually be found crying on the bathroom floor and contemplating the use of MSG as a dietary supplement.
It’s Christmas, and Jesus doesn’t look a day over 1500. Papa Faux learns what a SubGenius is after discovering how easy it is to make Fidd take unidentified medication. Peas reveals the secrets he learned in “radio school”. The hosts do their famous “intro trick”, which is where they burn the first 75% of the show talking about what’s going to happen during the remaining 25%. Peas uses a month’s worth of cow lube and a battering ram to attempt to force a bit where Rudolph the Reindeer is a guest on the show (Teller was funnier). Inside jokes and references to past shows litter everything before the first song break. ISIS gets a pass in the spirit of the season during The Blind Eye, which is followed by a Scalpod-hosted round of Is It A Band. Both segments only take about three minutes each. Fidd announces the Is It A Band trading card series! After the final music break, the sacred on-air live sound check is consecrated, which is followed by a viewer mail segment in which less than half of the submissions are fake news — a new record! Peas talks about something he calls a “mustard poltriss”, which for some reason leads him not only into disclosing the secrets he learned as a Shriner and Mason in the Scottish and York rites (no shit), but also articulating a scholarly explanation of Kwanzaa before getting steamrolled by Fidd and Faux into apologizing for the entire show hereuntoforthwith. Fidd and peas are rightfully shitfaced by the end of the show — no further notes required.
Box tragedy update. The three Ps of perfect peas publicity. What NOT to do. Obligitory PSA. Disclaimer, ahoy! Mail fraud “might” be illegal. The real porch pirates of Las Vegas. Episode art contest! Whoopin’ Faux. One last voicemail. The Kenny Floyd award. Weezer concerts, rum, and “findoras”. Peas apologizes. Fidd apologizes to peas. Peas apologizes more. Faux apologizes to Gavin McInnes. THANK YOU!
“You’re gonna have to carry this one, peas!” Holy jumpin’ jeeperwinks; Fidd and Faux are recovering from two straight days of eating nothing but lunar regolith and popcorn. Peas wins a free trial-size box of Lucky Charms for being the millionth customer at the whites-only nail salon.
Doktor Faux runs out of toilet paper and must wipe his ass with his collection of defunct Chuck-E-Cheese tickets. Fidd elaborates on this week’s life hack: how to properly chill tampons for use on hot days.
