Doktor Argus Q. Faux is an impatient asshole with a bad temper. He enjoys trash-talking children in free-to-play games and uploading footage of his birth to pornographic websites. When not engineering TFTS, he can usually be found crying on the bathroom floor and contemplating the use of MSG as a dietary supplement.
In this very special episode of Time For The Show, Dr. Faux and Caller23 interview a very special guest. Denise is both the object of, and the answer to, the Publius Enigma, and describes her story of being beaten down on a UseNet group in 1994 for events that happened in 1972. How does a pair of boxing gloves relate to Emerson Lake and Palmer? Why is Sting such a huge dick? You’ll have to listen to find out!
It’s Christmas, and Jesus doesn’t look a day over 1500. Papa Faux learns what a SubGenius is after discovering how easy it is to make Fidd take unidentified medication. Peas reveals the secrets he learned in “radio school”. The hosts do their famous “intro trick”, which is where they burn the first 75% of the show talking about what’s going to happen during the remaining 25%. Peas uses a month’s worth of cow lube and a battering ram to attempt to force a bit where Rudolph the Reindeer is a guest on the show (Teller was funnier). Inside jokes and references to past shows litter everything before the first song break. ISIS gets a pass in the spirit of the season during The Blind Eye, which is followed by a Scalpod-hosted round of Is It A Band. Both segments only take about three minutes each. Fidd announces the Is It A Band trading card series! After the final music break, the sacred on-air live sound check is consecrated, which is followed by a viewer mail segment in which less than half of the submissions are fake news — a new record! Peas talks about something he calls a “mustard poltriss”, which for some reason leads him not only into disclosing the secrets he learned as a Shriner and Mason in the Scottish and York rites (no shit), but also articulating a scholarly explanation of Kwanzaa before getting steamrolled by Fidd and Faux into apologizing for the entire show hereuntoforthwith. Fidd and peas are rightfully shitfaced by the end of the show — no further notes required.
Dok Faux begins to implement the mythological “show formula” and the show transforms drastically. Reverand peas takes the wheel as Faux navigates the jagged river o’ comedy. Steven Tyler is ugly. Peas was once an indentured servant to Tony Robbins. Faux doesn’t trust magicians, or libertarians. Trenchie chimes in.
