peas introduces Scoop McNewsgui, then introduces him again, and again, then the show attempts to start, then peas introduces Scoop McNewsgui. The hosts lie about how good the show is going to be, then peas introduces his new character, Scoop McNewsgui. After playing the first song of the show, “20th Century Newsgui” by The Scoops, peas workshops a new character and names him “Scoop McNewsgui”. The Blind Eye Segment turns out to be good, but it could’ve been better if it’d included some kind of reference to Scoop McNewsgui. Week 3 of Is It a Band is played, and Christ be damned if Scoop McNewsgui doesn’t join the show for the live post-game report. In the second half, peas comes out of nowhere with a hot new idea: a Slavic character named “Scoop McNewsgui”, an offering which single-handedly saves the show — not just for THIS episode, but for perpetuity in all possible universes. As usual, peas apologizes for the show at the end of the show, but somehow forgets to apologize for inventing Scoop McNewsgui. This episode is best listened-to with earplugs.
It’s the New Year’s Eve episode of a podcast, which means you already know it’s going to suck and the hosts will get wasted, HOWEVER COMMA business still gets done, yo. Dok Cosmac is in the studio to join the hosts for the final Is It a Band game of the season, after which an ultimate champ is crowned and the season’s statistics are released by Judge Scalpod. After stumbling through the Blind Eye and viewer mail segments, peas apologizes for the episode and 2018 in general. With the final show of the year in the can, Fidd & Faux pack the entire season in a truck and drive it into Yucca Mountain.
Here is the dilemma in the face of the task of writing the notes for this show: either you’re a big fan, in which case I don’t need to write notes given that you’re going to listen to the whole episode anyway — OR — you AREN’T going to listen to this episode, but for some reason are still reading these words, in which case I’m curious as to why you’re reading notes to a show you’re not ear-chowing, BUT THAT’S OKAY! This is the second-and-final episode in-a-row in which Doktor Faux was away from Hypercube and so Fidd Chewley had to play “Guest Engineer”. Co-HMFIC of Free Think Radio, Marthartha, officiates this week’s round of Is It a Band, which ends up getting stretched out by the hosts to a 45-minute segment. So, okay, it ran a little bit long. So what?! We don’t shoot until we see THE PINKS OF THEIR EYES! Oh, you didn’t get the joke?? Well, GOOD FUCKIN’ LUCK, buddy, because the Slack Train ROLLS ON!! Aliens ABILLIONFUCKIN years from now will unearth this episode, and they will know if YOU were in on the joke or not! HURRY — figure out why the parts of this show that you didn’t THINK were funny were, actually, literally, clitorally, in fact, FUNNY, and perhaps you’ll have a chance at redumbtion!
A certain cult leader demanded that I start listing proper notes in the episode descriptions. It isn’t that FUN has been banned; my travails have become his FUN! AND I FELL FOR IT!
“It was in a mirror, at some time, in some place, that the first act of recognition occurred, the point when man stared into the ocean, saw his face in its infinity, grew anxious, and began to ask, ‘Who is that?…’”
Sándor Márai: Casanova in Bolzano
Do you not know, Asclepius, that Egypt is an image of heaven, or, to speak more exactly, in Egypt all the operations of the powers which rule and work in heaven have been transferred to earth below?
Nay, it should rather be said that the whole Kosmos dwells in this our land as in its sanctuary. And yet, since it is fitting that wise men should have knowledge of all events before they come to pass, you must not be left in ignorance of this: there will come a time when it will be seen that in vain have the Egyptians honoured the deity with heartfelt piety and assiduous service; and all our holy worship will be found bootless and ineffectual. For the gods will return from earth to heaven.
Egypt will be forsaken, and the land which was once the home of religion will be left desolate, bereft of the presence of its deities.
This land and region will be filled with foreigners; not only will men neglect the service of the gods, […] and Egypt will be occupied by Scythians or Indians or by some such race from the barbarian countries thereabout. In that day will our most holy land, this land of shrines and temples, be filled with funerals and corpses. To thee, most holy Nile, I cry, to thee I foretell that which shall be; swollen with torrents of blood, thou wilt rise to the level of thy banks, and thy sacred waves will be not only stained, but utterly fouled with gore.
Do you weep at this, Asclepius? There is worse to come; Egypt herself will have yet more to suffer; she will fall into a far more piteous plight, and will be infected with yet more, grievous plagues; and this land, which once was holy, a land which loved the gods, and wherein alone, in reward for her devotion, the gods deigned to sojourn upon earth, a land which was the teacher of mankind in holiness and piety, this land will go beyond all in cruel deeds. The dead will far outnumber the living; and the survivors will be known for Egyptians by their tongue alone, but in their actions they will seem to be men of another race.
O Egypt, Egypt, of thy religion nothing will remain but an empty tale, which thine own children in time to come will not believe; nothing will be left but graven words, and only the stones will tell of thy piety. And in that day men will be weary of life, and they will cease to think the universe worthy of reverent wonder and of worship. And so religion, the greatest of all blessings, for there is nothing, nor has been, nor ever shall be, that can be deemed a greater boon, will be threatened with destruction; men will think it a burden, and will come to scorn it […]
Darkness will be preferred to light, and death will be thought more profitable than life; no one will raise his eyes to heaven ; the pious will be deemed insane, and the impious wise; the madman will be thought a brave man, and the wicked will be esteemed as good. As to the soul, and the belief that it is immortal by nature, or may hope to attain to immortality, as I have taught you, all this they will mock at, and will even persuade themselves that it is false. No word of reverence or piety, no utterance worthy of heaven and of the gods of heaven, will be heard or believed.
And so the gods will depart from mankind, a grievous thing!, and only evil angels will remain, who will mingle with men, and drive the poor wretches by main force into all manner of reckless crime, into wars, and robberies, and frauds, and all things hostile to the nature of the soul. Then will the earth no longer stand unshaken, and the sea will bear no ships; heaven will not support the stars in their orbits, nor will the stars pursue their constant course in heaven; all voices of the gods will of necessity be silenced and dumb; the fruits of the earth will rot; the soil will turn barren, and the very air will sicken in sullen stagnation. After this manner will old age come upon the world. Religion will be no more; all things will be disordered and awry; all good will disappear.