Doktor Argus Q. Faux is an impatient asshole with a bad temper. He enjoys trash-talking children in free-to-play games and uploading footage of his birth to pornographic websites. When not engineering TFTS, he can usually be found crying on the bathroom floor and contemplating the use of MSG as a dietary supplement.
It’s our first episode since the Fourth of July, the date recognized the world over as the anniversary of the date Lord Donald Trump attained Constitutional Buddhahood. This week: Every other country should give up their retarded language and speak English. Doktor Faux makes the “Call of Duty” argument for patriotism, citing America’s sweet K/D ratio. Stolen Valor is a felony, but Fidd Chewley knows a guy who sublets him some valor under-the-table, so it’s all good. Reverand [sic] peas [sic] is doing the show EFFED-THE-EFF-UP from mixing rum with the meds he’s taking for dem Shingles, and Fidd pre-emptively gives him the Kenny Floyd Award. NEW GAME: “Is It a Band?” We try to play it. It “works”. By the end of the show, peas does a good job apologizing for everything except the fact that the Blind Eye segment never completely got off the ground, but that’s not bad for a guy who is, as I said earlier, EFFED-THE-EFF-UP on Shingles meds and rum.
It’s the EPISODE #25 CELEBRATION SPECTACULAR! Season 1 of this show is aiming to be one million episodes long, so we’re celebrating the fact that we only have 999,975 episodes left in this season! Our FORMER co-host, Reverand peas [sic], wanted to be a guest on his own show so badly that he QUIT HIS SHOW just so he could come back as a guest on it– and he did! Topics NOT covered in this episode: the 2017 Serbian presidential election, the reconciliation of Judeo-Christianity with The Church of Non-Gustatory Hydrostatism, cherry-flavored toilet paper, the over-use of hy-phens, and how to properly determine the gender of a Klein bottle (don’t assume my topology.
A new sponsor: Betty Crocker’s Poop Roll-Ups. Time is fake because calendars are gay. Faux tells a joke. The TIME FOR THE SHOW “Take Kids Around the World” charity. Fidd is a WWII veteran. Warren Alexander Peas attends a cockfight. Jodi Arias is a Truly Chewley. Canadian Felon summer camp. Who peed in your bongwater? A highly surmountable problem. BLIND EYES! Peas disapproves of Fidd’s Blind Eye. DIWS: Douche-Induced Whiplash Syndrome. Mature language is immature. IS IT A BAND –> Round one: Bicyclops. Round two: Insecurity Council. Round three: Stinkfinger. Round four: The Radioactivists. Viewer mail: “What happened to the funny parts of the show?” Reverend 80: champion rubberbandist. Peas explains to you why you’re listening to this show. Arli$$. We kiss each other. Weekly Patreon love. CARBONATED BREAST MILK?!?! Sometimes a microphone is just a microphone. Luther Vandross and the salamanderizer. The photo of Fidd sleeping in his duckie shirt. Sternfan101 is the Arli$$ of peas. The ceremonial on-air sound check. Peas gets Teller on the show and demands the ears of Democrats. Hosts’ questions for Teller. Time for the Show: fuck, merry, kill. Monday is Bottomless Bread Night for Illuminati members only. A second round of Blind Eyes. THIS SPACE RESERVED FOR GOOD CONTENT. Is It a Brand: the “Rumbleball” brand medicine ball. If you want to avoid seeing the movie “Venom”, simply impregnate your wife LIKE DOKTOR FAUX DID!! Peas dutifully apologizes for this episode. Our sacred Google Play link.
